Lifestyle

Cliches mar US visit

Thirsty Cow is purely fiction. Any similarities with actual events or something you dreamt once is purely coincidence. Opinions expressed in this column are not necessarily held by anybody.
Thirsty Cow is purely fiction. Any similarities with actual events or something you dreamt once is purely coincidence. Opinions expressed in this column are not necessarily held by anybody.

US PRESIDENT Brack Oblama has been attacked with cliches and mobbed by desperate politicians during a whirlwind visit to Australia.

The visit was concentrated on Canberra and Darwin, allowing Mr Oblama to sample the worst climate and weather the country had to offer over a 48-hour period.

He was presented with Tim Tams, kangaroos, koalas, DVDs and three books purchased at discount online.

The President welcomed the highly cliched gifts and said they would get pride of place "in the White House basement with all the other junk people give me when I rock up".

He used his visit to Darwin to be briefed on crocodile attacks and UFO sightings, and announce that he would be sending US troops to the city to occupy the local hotels and mingle with local wildlife, mostly women.

Mr Oblama denied stationing troops in the remote top end of Australia had anything to do with keeping Asia, particularly China, on its toes.

"I support a strong China on the basis that they will soon have more money than anyone else and I don't want to be on their bad side if I need a loan," he said.

"We have nothing to fear from China except perhaps an army of a billion people and cheap toys that are dangerous to toddlers."

A gushing Prime Minister Julia Gizzard said she had nothing useful to say and she was happy just to hang off Mr Oblama's arm and flutter her eyelids.

"For me this visit is all about hanging out with the President and hoping it will make me look statesmanlike and lift my popularity," she said.

"He can send troops, tanks, bombs, missiles - whatever the heck he wants. He had me at hello. It's all the way with OBA."

Greens leader Bob Frown said he didn't like the idea of American troops but he admitted he asked Mr Oblama for an autograph. "You need to understand it wasn't for me but for a friend," he said sheepishly.

Mr Oblama used a formal dinner to display his competence using local lingo such as "chinwag", "ear-bash" and "cheese".

Opposition Leader Tony Abshot told the dinner that he once wagged school to travel to the moon. He had also visited the US and mostly talked to communists.

The Northern Territory Government denied it had removed homeless people from the street so they wouldn't look untidy for the President's visit.

"That is a scurrilous suggestion," a government spokesman said. "We mostly just painted over them or planted trees in front of them."

 

Thirsty Cow is fiction. It is based broadly and badly on the Robert Menzies quote: "We all want to milk the national cow but none of us want to feed it."

Topics:  humour humour column opinion thirsty cow


Stay Connected

Update your news preferences and get the latest news delivered to your inbox.

Domino's hits ground running

TEAM DOMINOS: Deepala Sha, Nicole Reville, Manjula Ravi, Lily Muir, Gabby Harper, Dean Bobak, Latif Abul, Tim Stilwel and Raymond Black of the Airlie Beach Dominoes store.

One year on and Domino's is on track

Thundakats to hear it first

READY TO ROCK: Thundamentals will surprise fans with new music when they hit the stage at Magnums Hotel on Saturday night.

Thundamentals will hit Magnums tomorrow night

Housing support will have impact

SUPPORT: Chief operating officer Joanne Moynihan is thrilled to offer clients more services.

Whitsunday Housing company secured a $10,000 grant.

Local Partners

Barcelona transforms

Barcelona will have a new bar by the deck built early next year.

Kernaghan's a 'boy from the bush' with a timeless quality

Country music singer Lee Kernaghan.

Lee Kernaghan is celebrating the 25th year of his breakthrough song.

Man builds playground entirely out of packing tape

Artist Eric Lennartson is in the process of completing his huge tape sculpture at the Ipswich Art Gallery.

VIDEO:And here's where you can play on it.

Countdown to Woodford Folk Festival begins

ECONOMIC BOON: Woodford Folk Festival is celebrating its 30th anniversary this year.  Photo Contributed

The first larger-than-life inhabitants have stepped into Woodfordia

Louis Tomlinson's tribute to late mother

Louis Tomlinson's new single is a tribute to his late mother.

Justin Timberlake stuns students with secret class

Justin Timberlake stunned high school students in Sydney

Carrie Fisher says Ford will be bugged by affair confession

Carrie Fisher is sure Harrison Ford is annoyed at her

Dakota Fanning rekindles romance with childhood sweetheart

Dakota Fanning rekindles romance with ex

Jennifer Lawrence apologises to the people of Hawaii

Jennifer Lawrence sorry for 'offensive' story

Cruz Beckham's single a 'one-off'

He is not planning to launch a full-time music career yet.

Essential to get new Maroochydore CBD fundamentals right

LOOKING AHEAD: The central business district at Maroochydore is planned to be the heart of the Sunshine Coast.

SunCentral reports good progress on 53ha Sunshine Coast city heart

'Crucial' farm land eyed by defence department

Lawson Geddes moving the Brangus cattle to higher ground - which is the land the Defence Department is interested taking for the Shoalwater Bay expansion.

"You can't have one without the other.”

Former Shark Show for sale for $1.3 million

Vic Hislop at the old Shark Show.

TALK about a jaws-dropping real estate opportunity.

There's a whole lot of luxury in this home

The Endeavour Foundation's latest prize home in Mountain Creek.

WHEN it comes to desirable homes, it's hard to go past a prize home.

Ipswich City Properties asset portfolio retains its value

Ipswich City Council Administration Building, South Street, Ipswich. Photo: Claudia Baxter / The Queensland Times

New website launched by Ipswich City Council

Ready to SELL your property?

Post Your Ad Here!