Lifestyle

Blokes and their baggage

BROWSING through a magazine in the 10-items-or-less aisle this week, I became so engrossed in an article about Australian fashion that I waved three shoppers ahead of me so I could continue reading.

Sure, I could have bought the magazine, taken it home and read the article at my leisure, but where's the fun in that? I like to live on the edge, and just knowing the store manager could sneak up, tap me on the shoulder and say, "Excuse me madam, this is not a library, either purchase the magazine or move away from the rack" sends a little thrill down my spine.

I mean really, what's he gonna do, take me to court?

I can hear the judge now, "Your crime is most serious, you were caught red-handed thumbing through an edition of a gossip magazine you obviously had no intention of purchasing, before I hand down your sentence, do you have anything to say in your defence?".

Naturally I'd use the same line of defence the kids always use when they're in trouble, "Everybody else does it".

A fashion reporter had written an expose on the who's who of the fashion world.

Apart from the obvious glaring omission that my name was not included in the listed glitterati, one of the comments was so surprising that it managed to raise both my eyebrows.

The reporter had described a well-known male designer (who shall remain nameless because his clothes are ridiculously expensive and he subscribes to the theory that all woman above a size eight should be taken out to the back paddock and shot), as being accompanied by his "handbag".

Can you believe it? No name. No title. His wife, his soul mate, the mother of his children, the woman who washes his socks and burns his dinners was reduced to being described as his "handbag".

At first, my feminist leanings had me noting the reporter's name and vowing to send in a letter of indignation to the editor.

But then I gave the matter some more consideration - is it really that bad to be compared to a handbag?

Most women I know have a bag they happily call "friend".

I'm not talking about some teeny, useless beaded number that only comes out of the wardrobe once in a while, or the sloppy bright green canvas tote that is dragged around on shopping safaris.

I'm referring to the everyday bag. The one that can be taken everywhere without a second thought, is right for almost any occasion, is totally dependable and holds all your secrets safe.

I took a good, long, hard look at my own everyday friend.

The stitching is a little frayed around the edges, just like me, the outer leather is a touch faded but still carries some of its original patina, just like me, and it has plump sturdy handles that give you something to grab on to - unfortunately just like me.

So, if one day, that fashion reporter should write an article in a magazine about me and hubby (stranger things have happened), and it should refer to me as hubby's "handbag" I won't be offended.

I'll hold my head up high and take it as the compliment it is.

However, if there is even so much as a whisper of "carry-on-baggage" or "bum-bags" there will be a strongly-worded letter to the editor and I will be forced to choose another magazine to read in the supermarket queue in future.

Family Taming is a weekly humour column.

Topics:  family taming humour opinion


Stay Connected

Update your news preferences and get the latest news delivered to your inbox.

Damaged but not defeated

BACK ON TRACK: Airlie Cove employees, Tara Craig, Sue Sloan, Betty Lightfoot, Christine Wickham, Michael Quigley, Sue Large and Bianca Paradies outside the pool which had eight trees fall in during Cyclone Debbie.

Airlie Cove is back and running despite being battered by TC Debbie

Free mulch is still available

Free mulch is still available across the Whitsundays, including the site at Gailbrath Park Road.

Free mulch is still available to Whitsunday residents.

Everyday Gourmet cooks up a storm in Airlie

TASTE TEST: Co-owner of Fish D'Vine, Kev Collins joined Justine Schofield on her television show Everyday Gourmet this morning.

Everyday Gourmet paid a visit to Airlie Beach

Local Partners

Winter is coming... and it's bringing a bite to the region

Overnight temperatures will drop to between 10 and 15 degrees for the Mackay and Whitsundays as the first day of winter arrives.

Debbie's graveyard: Major auction to clear written-off cars

Auto Repair and Towing Service owner Shane Muntelwit at the salvage yard behind Mackay Airport, which has become a graveyard for about 150 vehicles destroyed or written off by Cyclone Debbie.

A salvage yard has become a makeshift graveyard

What to expect at Birds of Tokyo's Ipswich gig

The band will perform at the Racehorse Hotel on Friday.

BAND member Glen Sarangapany talks music, pub grub and doing shoeys

What public holidays are left in 2017

Ipswich residents will get the day off tomorrow for the show.

IPSWICH residents will get tomorrow off for the show

Karl Stefanovic's rant about Schapelle Corby 'a bit rich'

The fact is Stefanovic is paid extremely well by a television network that lives and dies by ratings.

Chart toppers to rock Airlie

FEEL THE BEAT: Aussie hip hop act Bliss N Eso are headed to the Whitsundays and will rock the crowd at Magnums next Tuesday.

Bliss n Eso will arrive in Airlie Beach for their show on Tuesday

Could Schapelle be heading for Gladstone?

Australian Schapelle Corby is escorted by Bali Police at the parole office in Denpasar, Bali, Indonesia, 27 May 2017.

Schapelle's mother teases her free daughter could be Gladstone bound

Origin nights set to go off around Airlie

RIVALRY CONTINUES: Amie Warner and Jennifer Davis will be on opposite sides of the fence at the Reef Gateway Hotel on Wednesday night for State of Origin.

Whitsunday gears up for big night of sport.

Six things you never knew about Men in Black

Mushu the pug

It's been 20 years since Men in Black first hit cinemas

10 strange stories behind famous sex scenes

Khaleesi and Khal Drogo in a steamy moment.

Every set has their own way of filming sex scenes

Everyday Gourmet cooks up a storm in Airlie

TASTE TEST: Co-owner of Fish D'Vine, Kev Collins joined Justine Schofield on her television show Everyday Gourmet this morning.

Everyday Gourmet paid a visit to Airlie Beach

New $46.7m counter-terrorism facility to be built in Wacol

Premier Annastacia Palaszczuk, pictured with Police Commisioner Ian Stewart, has announced plans to build a new counter-terrorism facility in Wacol.

The facility will be built over three years.

Home to a sex worker: Sordid history of iconic Coast shed

Milojevic Djordjevic's daughter Linda at the derelict shed on Yandina-Coolum Road.

The shed was once a liveable 'barrack'.

This is real estate's billion-dollar man

Bob Wolff at AREC with John McGrath of McGrath Real Estate.

They don’t call him the “Billion dollar man” for nothing

Man's amazing comeback from monster crisis

Pat O'Driscoll agents Penny Keating and Doug Webber sold 56 Agnes St, The Range at auction over the weekend.

NOT long ago, he sold his possessions to pay staff. Now he's back.

Report reveals progress on $319m airport upgrade

Aerials of the Sunshine Coast.Jetstar plane in front of the Susnhine Coast terminal, Sunshine Coast Airport.

Over two dozen government approvals needed for airport expansion

Ready to SELL your property?

Post Your Ad Here!