Collage of Queensland politician headshots
Collage of Queensland politician headshots

Buy, sell or hold: the pick of our pollies

FROM a record high last week to $86 billion in losses in just two days, the Australian stockmarket has been a veritable rollercoaster ride for share traders of late.

And things haven't been much better on George Street in recent months as mumbles about leadership coups switched from one side to another and an integrity crisis engulfed the Queensland Labor Government.

So if our MPs were listed on the ASX right now, which ones would you buy, who would you sell and are any at risk of a run in with the regulators?

With just over a year left until the next state election, here's our hot political stocks tips for 2019:

Queensland Premier Annastacia Palaszczuk
Queensland Premier Annastacia Palaszczuk

 

Accident Insurance Inc

CEO: Annastacia Palaszczuk

Decision: HOLD

ANALYSTS have been predicting the decline of this stock for years and been wrong every time. The company still has a solid customer base. However, popularity has waned and loyal regional customers feel ripped off. Needs a good fire or flood to turn its stocks around.

 

Treasurer Jackie Trad’s controversial investment property in Woolloongabba
Treasurer Jackie Trad’s controversial investment property in Woolloongabba

 

 

Gabba Trading House (formerly AMP)

Chief financial officer: Jackie Trad

Decision: TRADING HALTED

USUALLY a highly bankable stock that dominates its rivals. But revelations about a questionable trading deal not being adequately disclosed to the market has forced the regulators to be called in. Prospects in 2020 look perilous after key competitors formed an unholy trading alliance.

 

Borobi the Gold Coast Commonwealth Games mascot
Borobi the Gold Coast Commonwealth Games mascot

 

Borobi's Bargain Buys

Lead sales agent: Kate Jones

Decision: BUY

GIVEN its still flogging those awful (locally made) blue koalas, the market might consider this stock a dud buy. And with the outfit unable to sell the gambling den assets it's sitting on, some might say it is over capitalised. But with its competitors struggling it could be time to buy.

 

 

Leadership Incorporated

Leader: Cameron Dick

Decision: BUY

INVESTORS might be a little weary about advice to buy this stock given it has not delivered the dividends many expected. But it remains a blue chip buy and a good long term investment that is primed to pay out some time in the not-too-distant future.

 

Mick De Brenni kicking goals
Mick De Brenni kicking goals

 

Do You Even Lift Limited

Boss: Mick de Brenni

Decision: SELL

PROJECT blowouts and staff blow-ups, it might be time to put this particular Queensland supplement supplier on the banned stock list. The Townsville Stadium cost increase is a scandal and likely to be the first of many under the company's procurement policy.

 

Steven Miles at Parliament
Steven Miles at Parliament

 

Poll Position Pty Ltd

Principal: Steven Miles

Decision: HOLD

POLLING companies aren't exactly flavour of the month. So a company that specialises in using dodgy online versions might seem a stock that needs to be divested from your portfolio. However, company that can count might be handy in coming months.

 

Jo-Ann Miller
Jo-Ann Miller

 

Ipswich Private Investigations

Agent General: Jo-Ann Miller

Decision: BUY

SOME reckon this company's claim to being Queensland's top corruption buster is akin to ExxonMobil insisting their environmentalists. But after stocks plummeted in 2015, the self-style PI agency has developed a knack of pouncing whenever there's an opportunity. A tiger investment that's high risk but high reward.

 

Greens MP Michael Berkman
Greens MP Michael Berkman

 

Stop Something (Not-for-Profit)

Non-leading lead committee member: Michael Berkman

Decision: BUY

OPPOSES corporate donations unless, of course, you're a corporate willing to donate. This not-for-profit outfit is looking to make big bucks by expanding its footprint in October 2020. The trend in other states indicates that banking on Stop Something might be a wise investment.

 

Whitsundays MP Jason Costigan posing with yet another bikini model at what looks to be the Gold Coast.
Whitsundays MP Jason Costigan posing with yet another bikini model at what looks to be the Gold Coast.

 

Bikini Purveyors Pty Ltd

Sole operator: Jason Costigan

Decision: LIQUIDATORS APPOINTED

Turns out unprompted inspections of young women's bikinis is not an ideal business model. Who could have guessed? After some questionable trades, Bikini Purveyors has been turfed out of the collective in which it used to operate and almost certain to close in 2020.

 

Robbie Katter cycling in Julia creek.
Robbie Katter cycling in Julia creek.

 

Hats R Us

Boss man: Robbie Katter

Decision: BUY

WITH a successful new hattery outlet in the north, it seems there's no stopping the simple business model of Hats R Us. Complain about the lack of funding for something or other, blame Brisbane and point out things happening elsewhere. Brilliant. Buy now.

 

Senator Pauline Hanson, leader of NRA Down Under
Senator Pauline Hanson, leader of NRA Down Under

 

NRA Down Under

2IC: Steven Andrew

Decision: SELL

DESPITE all the hubbub about this firm reliving its prior success, they're not partying like its 1999 or to be more precise, 1998. It has only managed to open one new franchise and the central Queensland store hasn't exactly been hitting its targets just yet.

 

Deb Frecklington’s pesto didn;t amke the Ekka finals this year.
Deb Frecklington’s pesto didn;t amke the Ekka finals this year.

 

Pesto and Things

Head chef: Deb Frecklington

Decision: BUY

AFTER placing second at last year's Ekka pesto challenge, we've got the hot stock tip that the firm didn't even make the finals this year. Too many pine nuts maybe? However, don't go selling off Pesto and Things just yet as there's talk the company is plotting a profitable takeover.

 

Tim Mander in action at Yungumbar State School.
Tim Mander in action at Yungumbar State School.

 

Whistles and Stuff

Referee-in-chief: Tim Mander

Decision: BUY

THERE were fears this business' ability with bookkeeping might be its undoing. However, the outfit has managed to find its feet by blowing its whistle at wayward competitors. Talk it may move into pesto production now appears unlikely but still a stock going places.

 

David Crisafulli
David Crisafulli

 

Northern Removals

Lead lifter: David Crisafulli

Decision: HOLD

THIS business went from a trading halt to being a favourite among analysts after it's enforced relocation to the south. While all the speculation drove up the share price to unrealistic levels, it is still a stock worth keeping in your portfolio just in case things go pear-shaped for competitors.

 

 

John-Paul Langbroek by Rob Deen
John-Paul Langbroek by Rob Deen

 

 

Kodak Corp

Supervising snapper: John-Paul Langbroek

Decision: SELL

THE former stock market darling has been keen to reinvent itself. But while film might be a quality product, why use it when it's so easy to snap good selfies on your phone? Rumours persist this outfit will privatise and turn to trading at a local level at some point soon.

 

Ray Stevens reacts to questions from reporter David Donovan
Ray Stevens reacts to questions from reporter David Donovan

 

Ray's Chicken Dancing and Massage Studio

Director: Ray Stevens

Decision: SELL

From those heady days with a flash office and grand plans to build a railway in the sky, Ray's Chicken Dancing and Massage Studio has hit hard times. Annual reports show a good dollop of trackside expenses while younger outfits with more modern moves are eyeing a hostile takeover.

 

*All the aforementioned companies are fictional and cannot be traded on the Australian Stock Exchange.

 

**The writer does not endorse or own shares in any of the aforementioned companies.


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