Opinion Column: How is Liz Hurley's latest bikini news?
By Lisa Donovan
I READ a lot of news. Mostly entertainment news, but that still counts, right?
Anyway, I've noticed for years, but again recently that some news outlets seem to have a Trump backstage at a beauty pageant obsession with covering stories about celebrities and their swimwear choices.
I have no doubt that at some point, every one of you has seen at least one story about Liz Hurley in a bikini.
At this point, I'm not even sure Liz Hurley owns any regular clothes.
I get it, she's in her fifties and her body looks like someone half her age, but is this really news? (Men, don't answer that.)
What's even more shocking to me is that somewhere in the world, a journo pitched this story to their editor.
Editor: So, what are you thinking for this week's story?
Journo: How about the immigration crisis in America?
Editor: Covered it.
Journo: How about the Chinese warships heading for Sydney?
Editor: Covered it.
Journo: How about Liz Hurley in a bikini?
Editor: Covered it like a billion times.
Journo: It's a new bikini.
Editor: Okay, go ahead.
Just imagine, spending your life acting (if that's what you can call what happened in Bedazzled) and the only reason you ever make the news is because you look good in next to nothing.
Or worse, that time your boyfriend paid for a "date".
It's not her fault news media focus on that, but can you imagine the pressure to always be bikini-ready because it's an absolute guarantee you'll be plastered over every news site?
I personally would hate that pressure - I like cheese too much.
So, just for fun, I decided to google "Liz Hurley in a bikini news" and it returned 994,000 results.
I know I normally exaggerate for humour in this column, but I can assure you that's the real number. (You're all googling that now, aren't you?)
I googled my own name and came up with 31 million hits, but apparently there's a famous actor with the same name so after I subtracted her results, I had two ... not two million, just two.
And the worst part is, is when age finally does catch up to Liz, and she's sporting sensible shoes and polyester in lieu of a bikini, the news will then talk about how she's "let herself go".
That's why you eat what you want, dress how you want and set the expectations low early.
And why don't we do this with famous men?
Sure, occasionally you'll see the token coming out of the surf picture, of, say Daniel Craig, but there's definitely an imbalance.
If anyone out there is working in the media and wants a cracker of a story, I really want to see a snap of Johnathan Thurston in some budgies, lying on a beach towel under the headline, "Johnathan getting cheeky in his swimmers while on holidays." You're welcome.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm trying to get my Google results up.
Who wants to see a middle-aged mother of three in a bit of bum floss?